SAINT THERESE OF LISIEUX CENTENARY REFLECTIONS
AUSTRALIAN DISCALCED CARMELITES NO. 6

Christmas Conversion

GRACE AND THE LIBERATION OF ST. THERESE FROM OVER-SENSITIVITY

Have you ever come across a young child who is crying, and stopped to ask what's the matter, only to be given the answer, "She is looking at me!!" No doubt we have come across people, not always children who are like minefields of sensitivity. A look, a tone of voice, or even silence can result in an explosion of wounded cries and tears. It can be easy to come to the disheartening conclusion that we can do nothing right by this sensitive person: no matter what we do or say it will always be taken as a criticism or an attack. In this reflection we will hear the story of a young girl who received a grace, a special work of God within her, which set her free from the imprisonment of such sensitivity. That young girl was St. Therese of Lisieux:
I was really unbearable because of my extreme touchiness; if I happened to cause anyone I loved some little trouble, even unwittingly, instead of forgetting about it and not crying, which made matters worse, I cried like a Magdalene and then when I began to cheer up, I'd begin to cry again for having cried. All arguments were useless; I was quite unable to correct this terrible fault. - Story of a Soul, chapter 5
In previous reflections we have seen that the writing and the spiritual teaching of St. Therese focuses on the way that we can meet God and respond to God in the most ordinary circumstances of our lives. Other saints can fill us with awe as they describe the huge spiritual extremes of their lives: the great sinners who were overpowered by God and who then converted to become great saints. St. Therese learnt to see the same awesome love and power of God in the small, hardly earth-shattering, changes in her own life and in her own heart.
It was December 25, 1886, that I received the grace of leaving my childhood, in a word, the grace of my complete conversion. We had come back from Midnight Mass where I had the happiness of receiving the strong and powerful God. Upon arriving at Les Buissonnets, I used to love to take my shoes from the chimney-corner and examine the presents in them; this old custom had given us so much joy in our youth that Celine wanted to continue treating me as a baby since I was the youngest in the family. Papa had always loved to see my happiness and listen to my cries of delight as I drew each surprise from the magic shoes, and my dear King's gaiety increased my own happiness very much. However, Jesus desired to show me that I was to give up the defects of my childhood and so He withdrew its innocent pleasures. He permitted Papa, tired out after the Midnight Mass, to experience annoyance when seeing my shoes at the fireplace, and that he speak those words which pierced my heart: "Well, fortunately, this will be the last year!" I was going upstairs, at the time, to remove my hat, and Celine, knowing how sensitive I was and seeing the tears already glistening in my eyes, wanted to cry too, for she loved me very much and understood my grief. She said, "Oh, Therese, don't go downstairs; it would cause you too much grief to look at your slippers right now!" But Therese was no longer the same; Jesus had changed her heart! Forcing back my tears, I descended the stairs rapidly; controlling the poundings of my heart, I took my slippers and placed them in front of Papa, and withdrew all the objects joyfully. I had the happy appearance of a Queen. Having regained his own cheerfulness, Papa was laughing; Celine believed it was all a dream! Fortunately, it was a sweet reality; Therese had discovered once again the strength of soul which she had lost at the age of four and a half, and she was to preserve it forever!
Story of a Soul, chapter 5
The special grace which Therese received that Christmas is important from a number of points of view. The "strength of soul" which she writes about is an important part of her spiritual teaching. It played an important role in the way she lived her life when she went to live in an enclosed community of Carmelite nuns. What is this "strength of soul" which she writes about?
We all have certain habits - certain automatic and often repeated ways of thinking and acting. Our habits can be good. For example if we do a good work, like regularly helping someone with a particular need, then our repeated efforts can become a regular part of our way of life. We are also familiar with certain habits, certain deeply rooted ways of thinking and acting, which hold us back from being fully alive and fully responsive to God. Often our habits are a sign of the way we think about ourselves, other people and life in general.
Therese, as a child, carried a lot of sadness inside herself: her mother died when she was young, her older sister Pauline left home to enter an enclosed monastery, and Therese had difficulty with the ways of the world that lay beyond her family home. She was certainly determined to be good yet even the vaguest hint that she might have failed in her efforts opened up the depths of that sadness within her. It's impossible for us to fully understand why Therese suffered from such sensitivity. Did she think that the only way to prevent losing the remaining love in her life was through earning or paying for that love by succeeding in being good? Did the smallest personal failure cause her to feel threatened by the possibility of losing the remaining love in her life, after all she carried the memory of so much loss already?
Only Therese could fully answer these questions. We are simply left with her reflections on her childhood sensitivity in the Story of a Soul. We can see from those reflections that, as a young child before the Christmas conversion, she was often trapped and unable to see beyond her feelings of failure and sadness. For many years she did not have the strength to move beyond this sensitivity and frustration. The conversion of Therese was not just about her powerfully receiving the God-given strength to move beyond the grip of being over sensitive. The conversion was the beginning of a new way of thinking about God and relating to God. The God whom Therese encountered on that Christmas was a God who was moving her towards the way of Jesus' active and unconditional love.
We had come back from Midnight Mass where I had the happiness of receiving the strong and powerful God.
In the previous reflection we reflected on the loving desire of Jesus at the Last Supper and during His death on the cross. Jesus was deeply hurt and deeply wounded by rejection yet He did not allow His love to be smothered by the pain of being rejected. His love was stronger than the rejection and misunderstanding which He suffered.
Therese recognised that this was the strength and power of God whom she received in the Eucharist at Midnight Mass. The "strength of soul" which she writes about is a sharing in the strength of Jesus' life-giving love which continues its work even when unnoticed, unrewarded or even actively opposed. Therese had a strong sense of the connection between the giving of Jesus in Communion and the strength to face suffering in her own life. She knew and increasingly lived according to the truth that God's loving action is often concerned with facing the situation or even the person who is in most need of that love of Jesus (and often that means the most difficult people in our lives).
I was resolved to remain in spirit at the foot of the Cross and to receive the divine dew. I understood I was then to pour it out upon souls. The cry of Jesus on the Cross sounded continually in my heart: "I thirst!" These words ignited within me an unknown and very living fire. I wanted to give my Beloved to drink and I felt myself consumed with a thirst for souls.
Story of a Soul, chapter 5.
It can be a helpful exercise, in our own lives, to reflect on the truth that Jesus' thirsts for the life and love of the many people whom we meet. Jesus desires to communicate all that is in His Heart to each person we know. The saints were so caught up in that strong desire of Jesus that they forgot about themselves and their own self-interests. They were drawn through a gradual dying of their self-centredness into the new life of Jesus. Each one of us is called to become a sharer in that same desire of Jesus but we cannot do it simply by our own power. Like St. Therese, we need to be open to the grace of God and the gift of God's presence. We need to pray and reflect and become familiar with the way of Jesus which we discover in the Gospels. It is important to be aware of our limitations but we should always keep in mind the presence of our God who loves us and is constantly at work within us.

A Prayer for Strength of Soul
Heavenly Father, you touched your daughter St. Therese with the loving desire of Jesus for all people. You gave her strength of soul to forget herself as she shared in Jesus' work of love. Grant that we may share in this same grace through the intercession of St. Therese. We make our prayer through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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